I was fifteen the first time I got high on marijuana; I did not love or hate it, but it was something that took the pain away.  I was depressed for some reason, and for me, there was no rhyme or reason to it.  I remember after watching the movie “Saint Elmo’s Fire” about a dozen times, I wanted to be like “Billy”, the character portrayed by Rob Lowe.

It was not that I thought I was “Billy”, but I felt like his protege.  I tried to wear my hair like his, and I wore sunglasses all the time, and I would drink and get high.  I was the one not doing well in classes or in life.  At that point, I wanted to be a singer; this was my dream since I was a little boy.  The only good thing in my life was chorus; it was the only thing in high school I actually enjoyed.

Eventually, I landed a lead role in the chorus’s production of “Oklahoma” as “Curly”; “There’s a bright golden haze on the meadow.”  I loved being on stage performing for family and friends, and this was not my first lead role.  In sixth grade I portrayed a leading role as a sheriff; “Give me another orange aide Fizzy!”  In seventh grade, I was “Tom Jenkins” in “Scrooge”; “Thank you very much, thank you very much!”  I even used dialect when I spoke as Tom Jenkins.  I loved portraying other people, as they were not me.

My junior year in high school, I portrayed “Mr. McAfee” in “Bye Bye Birdie.”  I had the most fun portraying “Mr. McAfee” because I was given free reign in the role, and I found making the audience laugh gave me great joy.  Part of the reason I am telling you this, is I like reliving my time as a thespian; the other reason is: I do not want you to think I am stupid because I made bad grades.  I made bad grades by choice; I chose not to do my homework, and I chose not to study.  Looking back, I guess that was stupid within itself, not caring about my grades, as I could have landed a scholarship to the North Carolina School of The Arts, and that could have been life-changing.

I was too depressed to care about grades, but that did not stop my parents from grounding me every time my report card came in.  Was I being disputatious, or was there a mental illness lingering? I am going to go with the latter.  Feeling like someone’s protege in a movie is not a healthy sign, in my opinion.  Substance abuse at the age of fifteen is not a good sign, though some teachers did take notice in my behavior.

A couple of concerned teachers cornered me one day during my junior year, and they asked me if I was doing drugs; I told them no.  At that point in my life, I was drinking, smoking marijuana, and occasionally taking pills.  I was in free-fall, and I did not want anybody’s help, but God bless them for taking notice that something was off.

I could not figure out what I wanted to be; yes, I wanted to be a singer, but I was too afraid to go after it.  I wanted to be an actor, but I was too skeptical in my abilities, and did I want to put up with drama behind the scenes of my life?  The answer is no; I had put up with enough drama in life; the drama on the stage was all I had room for in my mind and in my heart.  I am still not sure what I should be even today, except a Christian, and a supporting husband.

After high school, I did join a community theater one time, when I was around twenty-one years of age;  They did the production “The Wizard of Oz.”  I had three small roles in the musical: “Joe the farmhand”, “a tree”, and “A private in an army of generals.”

I had a great time performing with the community theater; I made new friends, but trust me, there was drama behind the scenes.  All in all, I hold some great memories from my days as a thespian; at least I had some kind of accomplishment.  I am so thankful I can sing with the praise-team on Sundays at my church, though my voice is not what it once was.  Will I ever participate in another musical or play?  Doubtful, but once again, one never knows what God may have in store for them.  At least I have this blog to write in, as the world keeps on turning.

Take care, and God bless!

Chris