I know it has been a while since I have posted an entry; while I doubt any of you are losing sleep over this, I have to say it is tough to think of things to write about, and sometimes it is just plain agonizing to even ponder some of the topics that cross my mind; and then it seems impossible to narrow down to one particular topic to write about.  I started out with a lot of momentum, and that left me feeling like I am out in left field, but I am constantly racking my brain to write about something that is relatable.  I hope this entry relates to you in some form or fashion.

In the movie The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift, one of the main characters, Han, says, “Life is simple.  You make your choices and you don’t look back.”  Of course Han dies later in the movie, so he may not be the best character to take advice from; unless that is your thing.  Sometimes I wish that were true for me because all the mistakes I have made sometimes haunt me; not all the time but a lot.  So, let me apologize once and for all, so I can put it behind me and never look back; perhaps it will make me feel better, and maybe some of you will see me differently.

People are always saying how quiet of a person I am; sure, I do not talk much, but the reason for that is because I do not have much of a filter.  It took me years to learn how to keep my mouth shut.  These days, the only time you may hear me speak without my filter is if someone makes me angry; the good thing about that is it took me years to learn how to control my anger and sarcasm; I did this without anger management, as I was never a raving lunatic.

Can I be honest?  I have to say I do not feel like myself these days, because I have such a big filter, I do not share my thoughts and opinions often.  Perhaps it is my medication that helps control what I say; I do not know.  what I do know is the only time I feel like myself is when I am with my wife; she knows the best and worst of me, she knows my little quirks, my idiosyncrasies, and my talents.  However, even my wife does not know why I do not use contractions while writing: it is because, Data, from Star Trek: The Next Generation does not use contractions when he speaks because he is an android.  So, now I know what you are thinking: nerd!

It seems I have gotten somewhat off topic, and I apologize for that.  Honestly, I thought about listing some actual events where I wronged someone, was disloyal, was mean, heartless, demeaning, embarrassing, and just down right stupid; however I realize that would dredge up too many bad memories, and it would probably make you hate me all over again.  So, if you are reading this and I wronged you in some way, please forgive me.  I think it is a good thing that I look back on my choices; especially when those choices affected someone in a negative way because I have learned the right way to do things with God’s help, and I have even forgiven myself as I write this.  Is that not a Christian’s most infamous sin: feeling we live in infamy?

Take care and God bless!

Sincerely,

Chris