People come and go in our lives; strangers, friends, and even family.  Life has a way of driving a wedge between those we love, sometimes; whether it be social status or money which usually go hand in hand.  I do not know how, but I know when people look down their noses at me, and the truth is, I do not care.  I can not help who I am; therefore, I love myself unconditionally, because I need to be loved for my imperfect existence.

I find that I am still somewhat socially awkward.  That is why I used to sit in the corner at family events, that is why you might find me sitting alone after church in a pew after every one has dispersed, that is why I sit at home alone so often, and that is why I feel no one really understands me; I feel I am loved but misunderstood.  When I am on stage at church fixing to sing, I see and hear a group laughing and I assume they are laughing at me.  Now, are they actually laughing at me?  Probably not.  Still, that should have been a positive moment in my life turned negative, and I will never get it back.

I am not on board with the I love you but do not like you narrative either.  You either love me for who I am or you do not love me.  I believe in being honest to a fault, but if I feel you do not like me or you are judging me unfairly, I will do my best to avoid you altogether.  I will say you never know what someone is going through unless they tell you, but some people, myself included, do not know how to express their thoughts.  I will never blog about my deepest, darkest thoughts because I know you would not understand; unless you have been trained to do so or unless you suffer from a mental illness.

Even then, you still may not fully understand.  I believe in being kind because you may end up brightening someone’s day.  The only time you should really judge someone is when your safety may be at risk or when someone you love may be at risk.  I guess sometimes, there has been too much damage done in our lives for all to be forgotten; that is another narrative I do not like: forgiven but not forgotten.  If you do not want to forget it, you do not want to forgive someone.  On the same token, I can empathize with someone who does not want to forget; I feel like I might be coming off as holier than thou, but that is not my intent.  I realize we all make mistakes and bad decisions; it is all so complicated at times.

Well, now that I have had a chance to ramble about, I think I will call it an entry.  Please pray for those affected by Hurricane Florence.

Take care my fair-weathered friends; you know who you are.

God bless!

Chris