So, I wrote this paper in my English class while I was attending Alamance Community College.  I wanted to share it with you, as it has to do with pet loss; this was called an I-search paper.  I would have made an A on the paper, but I did not have all of my required sources; what can I say other than I was not a great student.  I hope you like it!

 

When I started pondering a topic for my I-search paper, I knew it would be most difficult to come to a final decision.  I started out with “Accelerated Reading”, however, after further consideration I reconsidered because I felt that “Accelerated Reading” would not be broad enough.  Although it would be helpful, it would also be boring, and that would not be beneficial to the reader or myself.

The next topic I considered was “Cattle Management” because I always wondered what life would be like raising cattle.  After contemplating, I decided that I knew enough of the basics on “Cattle Management” that I would not be interested enough to pursue it.

My next topic was “Human Motivation And Emotion”.  I picked this topic mainly because of my failed effort to be motivated this semester, yet, again, the word “boring” comes to mind.

My next topic (Is it me, or is a pattern forming here?) I wanted to consider was “Angels”.  Because I am a Christian, I truly believe in angels, and I have always found the supernatural fascinating.  I believe an angel has saved me more than once in my life, but I decided that I like the fact that I do not know much about them; I want this topic to remain mysterious.

I really wanted to do a topic dealing with some aspect of psychology because if I ever make it to a university, psychology is at the top of my list for a major,  So, I started browsing through the bookshelves in the “LRC”, and that was when I found my topic.  I noticed a book that read “Pet Loss”, and I knew immediately that I had found my topic.  It has a psychological aspect that I find interesting, and I had just recently written in my journal about losing a pet that was dear to me.  So, I hope you find this topic as interesting as I do.  Who knows?  This paper could help you or me in dealing with past or future pet loss.  I certainly hope it does.

The only thing I know about “Pet Loss” is that it can be heart wrenching. This I know from experience.  I did not need therapy to get through my grief , but I gather there are people out there who have needed therapy to help cope with their grief, granted, those people are probably “Animal Lovers”.  I do not consider myself a “Animal Lover”, yet I enjoy companionship of animals very much.

Basically, I know that it hurts to lose a pet and that one will grieve over the loss of their beloved pet, but I do not know how it affects other people.  I do not know the best way to deal with the loss of a pet, which is what I want to know more about.  Here are some questions I would like to have answered during my I-search.

What are the psychological and emotional effects of pet loss?

What are different perspectives on pet loss from various age groups?

How long does it take to get through grievance of pet loss regardless of how the pet died?

What is the best way to deal with pet loss?

Feeling distressed about the loss of a pet is not at all uncommon.  Numerous people regardless, of age, sex, or cultural background have experienced the unfortunate incident of pet loss.  Pets tend to become part of the family, as many animals have their own personalities and feelings.

Although our pets will get mad at us from time to time, their love is unconditional.  “What makes it especially difficult is that often, despite their sense of attachment, people are disturbed by their feelings.  Surely, they themselves, such strong grief is appropriate only for the loss of a human friend.” (Nieburg and Fischer 1.)

When one must deal with the loss of a pet, it is most beneficial to have an overview of ones’s attachment to their pet.  Having an overview of one’s attachment to one’s pet can help one deal with the realization that their pet is no longer there, and help one understand what they need to do in order to start filling in the void.  (Nieburg and Fischer 2.)

Generally, when people hear the term “loved one”, they tend to think about humans, but when one shares a bond with a pet, the term “loved one” has a more complex definition.  A pet can be an additional friend or family member, as well as the son, the daughter, the brother, or the sister one never had.  (Anderson 19.)  No wonder one can become so attached to their faithful companions known as their pets.

Guilt can play a big role in the grieving process.  When one takes care of a pet over a certain period of time, one may feel responsible for the death of the pet, regardless of what happened.  One may feel guilty for not showing their pet more attention while they were alive, or one may feel guilty for yelling at their pet on an off day. One may even feel that they caused the death of their pet when they did nothing of the sort.  One might think, “If only, I would have fed them a better diet, or if I could have gotten them to the vet sooner.”  (Anderson 34.)

Speaking from my own personal experience, I had a cat that had been killed by a car.  I felt an extreme amount of guilt because I had moved away and had to leave him behind.  I was at home visiting one day, and I noticed he was not around.  Well, I figured he was out on one of his adventures, when I discovered he was lying by the road.  He had been struck by an oncoming car while crossing the road to come and see me.  I know he was a very smart cat and he knew my car well.  Whenever he was around the house when I pulled in the driveway, he would always greet me.  What I experienced were true feelings of guilt.  I really felt responsible for the death of my best friend; I held him in my hands as a newborn kitten and had raised him.  I felt I had left him down and out.

When we convince ourselves that we are the reason our pet is dead, there is not much that can help our feelings of guilt.  In a sense, I believe we sometimes feel the responsibility of a pet’s death simply because we raised it.  Naturally, this is a hard concept to grasp and to deal with.  I have learned that the best, and perhaps, the only therapy for dealing with guilt is time.  I believe time can heal all wounds, and let us keep in mind that we live in a imperfect world where people make mistakes and where no one gets out alive.

People deal with pet loss in different ways, depending on their personality and how emotional they are.  This is especially true with children; therefore, it is of extreme importance for parents to recognize these differences so they can discuss the loss of the pet on the child’s level of reason.  (Nieburg and Fischer 30-31.)

It is probably a good idea not to provide an explanation but rather, support for preschoolers who are dealing with pet loss; however, should they ask for an explanation, try to keep it short and sweet.  (Nieburg and Fischer 32.)

The following is one example of what kind of measures can be taken from a book entitled A Child’s Companion Through Pet Loss.  Mark’s family set aside a special time to sit together in the backyard and remember Charlee.  They made a scrapbook to collect their memories and planted a flowering bush near Charlee’s favorite backyard spot.  Yet Mark’s sadness lingered until, finally, time and an understanding neighbor helped heal his pain.  This simply told story is right on the mark in legitimizing a family’s, and particularly a child’s, grief over the loss of a pet.”  (Booklist 588.)

One of the most often asked questions by parents is what to say when their children are way from home and a pet dies suddenly or becomes very sick or injured.  The child should be told the circumstances initially.  How one explains the circumstances should be according to one’s age, but one should tell the truth about the situation at hand even if one has to stretch the truth a little.  (Nieburg and Fischer 32.)

One should not be afraid to talk about fond memories of the deceased pet with one’s child.  Be sure to bring up only incidents that might make one laugh.  It will be easier to live with cherished memories, as opposed to memories of death.  Although, death is the reality, try to outweigh the bad with the good.

Regardless of what anyone has to say, it is alright to cry.  One should not let a friend’s, family member’s, or sibling’s negative reaction influence one’s feeling about one’s deceased pet, by saying things like, “I can not believe you are this upset over an animal” or “Oh, well, you can always get another one.”  People do not need to add to one’s grief, so understand that other people could not possibly comprehend the bond that one shared with their deceased pet.  So, one should cry their eyes out if one needs to.  This is a quote from a source I found on the internet entitled “Of Course You Can Cry.”  “When you lose your best friend, the one you could always count on to be there when you were down, the one who warmed you, played with you and made you laugh no matter how bad you felt, then of course you can cry.”  (The American Humane Association 1.)  I find these words very encouraging.

Some people recover quickly and may only grieve for a short period of time, some suffer immensely and need support from family, friends. or in some cases, counselors.  (Library Journal 254.)  Then, there are those who do not have it in them to carry much of a social life, and they get very attached to their pets.  (USA Today 4D.)  “A dozen years back, I was in a mom-and-pop store in London as a frayed older woman was leaving with a supply of dog food.  The Indian shopkeeper fixed on me as the only available audience.  “These people!”  He spat out the words with anger and disdain.  “They care more about their pets than human beings.”  Under indictment were the pet-loving British.  But how could any pet owner argue the point with with a man who had no doubt witnessed human deprivation in the extreme?”  (Post Gazette Magazine 1-2.)  A pet has never deprived me.

Pet loss can be a serious matter for some people, and it is most serious when dealing with children.  It is nice to know that pet loss is not over looked and that people do grieve for their lost family members, friends, and loved ones also know as pets.

In addition to my research, I also conducted three interviews.  I wanted to get different perspectives from people who lost their pets at different ages to get an idea of how people grieve and what people think about their pets in general.

My first interview was with a man named “Everett”.  Everett is fifty-three years of age, but he remembers losing one of his favorite pets at the age of forty-four.  Everett had a 12 year old Australian Shepherd and he remembers vividly going through the grieving process.  Everett says, “The longer you have a pet, the more attached you get”.  Some of the things that Everett remembers fondly about his pet is that he was always friendly, he always greeted Everett when he came home, his pet wanted attention and affection, and the dog had a special place in their home.

When I asked Everett if he felt any guilt or if he regretted not doing something differently, his reply was No; he said, “The dog had cancer, so he had to be put to sleep.”  Everett felt that something of that nature was out of his hands entirely.  Everett admits that he still thinks about his deceased pet to this day.  One remembrance that sticks out in his mind is that he remembers that his dog was scared of storms, and his neighbor across the street used to let the dog in her house during storms.  According to Everett, he is an emotional person, and when a pet of his dies it bothers him a great deal.  Everett has been around animals his whole life, so I knew he would be a good candidate for an interview.  The interview was in person, and it was held at his barn.

My next interview was done over the phone because the person I was interviewing lives in Winston Salem.  I interviewed twenty-one year old Lynette , who remembers losing a pet at the age of ten.  The pet she lost was a 15 year old dog named “Duffy”.  Lynette remembers crying hysterically when Duffy died.  Her family held a small funeral service for their loved, lost one.  Lynette remembers grieving for a lengthy period of time; she had re-occurring dreams of Duffy for the longest time.  When it comes to pet loss, Lynette does not think that the pet’s age plays much of a role because she says, “If you are attached, you are attached; when something is that profound it will hurt either way.”

The most memorable incident that Lynette recalls is when she kept pulling on Duffy’s tail, and Duffy bit her.  Lynette remembers that Duffy was stoic, smart and very well behaved.  Lynette says that she did not feel any guilt toward Duffy’s death simply because she was too young to feel any responsibility.  Lynette believes that natural death can be the hardest to come to terms with, but as far as grieving is concerned, accidents are harder to deal with over a period of time.

Lynette admits that she still thinks Duffy from time to time.  When she sees a dog that looks like Duffy, or when she sees the tree where Duffy died, she thinks about her.

I chose Lynette for an interview because I know she if fond of animals, she is an emotional but mentally strong person, and I thought she would elaborate on her thoughts.  I think this interview shows how pet loss can effect the life of a 10 year old girl.

Deceased pets leave an impression in our lives that we can keep with us forever.  Sometimes, our relationships with our pets are personal from the beginning, and sometimes we grow attached.  Nevertheless, it fills us with pain when we have to say goodbye to our dear friends.  When it comes to pet loss, fond memories and time are the only factors on our side.

Works Cited

Alexander, Carolyn.  “Journey Through Pet Loss.” Time 1 Sept. 1999:v124 i114 p254

American Humane Association, The.  “Of course You Can Cry.”  Time 1996-97

Anderson, M.Ed., Moira.  “Coping With Sorrow.”  Time 1994

Leo, Peter.  “Online Post Gazette: Sometimes, Grief Comes Unexpectedly.”  Time 1998

Mandell, Ellen.  “Booklist: A Child’s Companion Through Pet Loss.”  Time 15 Nov.  1996 v93 n6 p588 (1)

Morgan, Sheila.  “USA Today: “When A Pet Dies.”  Time 15 March 1999 p.4D

Nieburg, Herbert A. and Fischer , Arlene.  “Pet Loss” Time 1982

 

I hope you got something helpful out of this I-search paper.  Please remember it was written 18 years ago.  I did do a third interview, but for privacy reasons I omitted it.  I apologize for any errors, incorrect grammar or words spelled incorrectly, as it is very, very late.  Time to get some sleep.  Have a great day!

Take care and God bless!

Chris

 

 

 

 

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