Fall is my favorite time of year: it is suppose to be cooler, the scenery is gorgeous against the blue sky, and I believe there is excitement of the oncoming days of Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  Now that I am a little less than a year from turning 50 years of age, I want to treasure every moment I have left in this world; the truth is I do not know how long I have left, but no one knows unless one has been diagnosed with something, and even then it can vary.

Now, I am not talking about a bucket list as I do not have one.  I do not have to see the Grand Canyon, though maybe I will someday.  I have lived a great life even though things did not quite turn out the way I thought.  I do not know what I thought my life would look like; I knew I would not be working in a plant or something of that nature, as it just did not suit me.  I was much happier working outside for whatever reason, but now I am conflicted between outside work verses inside work.

I always wanted to have an office job, yet I have wanted to be a cowboy since I was around 26 years of age.  I think watching The Office on TV makes me want a job like that, though I do not know if I could handle it(That’s what she said).  Then, there are shows like The Ranch or Heartland that keep my cowboy dreams alive.  I suppose one could say I live vicariously through these shows.  Is that not what makes a good show good, or is it bad due to my mental illness?  That’s a rhetorical question, thank you!

Things have indeed changed since I was 26, and probably for the better.  In the past, I was more of a dreamer than an actual doer; even today I still have dreams of optimism that one day God is going to amaze me even more with what he does for me in this life, but that is because Jesus showed me how to be an actual doer.

Crystal is a major reason for my optimism because she is one of two things I got right, and then there is my relationship with Jesus Christ, as I find myself in a constant connection with Him through prayer; He is always on my mind just like the loved ones in my life, and in case you did not know, now you know.

I must say it is weird to see people change; it is weird to accept and adapt to that change, but such is life I suppose.  It is strange to see myself change; making decisions that I believe will benefit me. There are so many questions that just lead to more questions, and the answers?  Well, the answers are usually right under out noses, on the tips of our tongues, in a brain-lapse or in hindsight because hindsight is 20/20, or is it?

The definition of insanity is when one does the same thing over and over yet they expect a different result.  Hmmm… perhaps we are all a little insane; perhaps we are all geniuses in our own way.  Yes, maybe we are all void of compassion, sympathy, and empathy; in my opinion that makes us all stupid, yet I love people anyway including myself; I am not saying it is easy, but it is a necessary good.

Sorry, I do not mean to be pessimistic but God is love, and God is kind.  You do not have to believe me; find out for yourself in the Bible, or take yourself out of the comfort zone and experience God’s love and kindness first hand.

Take care and God bless!

Chris