What do you do when you wake up from having a weird or bad dream?  Personally, I wake up for about a minute then fall back asleep only to dream another weird or bad dream; occasionally weird and bad coincide.

I find it interesting that I can have dreams about a topic of discussion I may have had a week before hand.  Every time I have dreams like this I wake up tired; I suppose the dreams exhaust me.

There have been numerous times I have had a dream with Crystal in it where she leaves me, or I lose her, and I spend the rest of the dream trying to find her.  When I tell Crystal about these dreams, she reassures me she is not going anywhere, and I believe her.  This is why I sometimes hate going to sleep; hence, why I am typing this at 2am knowing I will probably wake up tired regardless of how long I sleep.

Last week Crystal had surgery, and I worried about her from the moment they took her back until the doctor said everything went well.  I could not help but think of my life without her, and it was pretty grim.  I just do not know what I would do without her.  I would find a hole to crawl into and never come out.  I would cry every day for the rest of my life.

These are the thoughts I have sometimes; my mind conjures up the worst and runs with it over and over, but I know she is in God’s hands.  Truth be told, even though I worried about her during surgery, at the same time I felt like every thing would go as it should.  Does that even make sense?  Perhaps it was a battle between the heart and mind; perhaps.

All i know is I worry about her every day; that is how it is when you love someone more than you love yourself.  After all, Crystal is a better person than me, but that is okay because she makes me a better person.  So Crystal, when you read this do not fight me on it; just accept it because it is true and know that I can not bare the thought of losing you.  I know because I have dreamed about it which was really a nightmare.  I love you!

Before I call it a night, I have to thank my church family for being there for Crystal since last Wednesday.  Not only did friends from church show up before her surgery and pray with us, but numerous people have brought food every day since then; not to mention all the thoughts and prayers.  Crystal and I are so grateful and appreciative of you: you guys are simply awesome!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!  I also have to thank my mother who took off work to help out, and my family for their kindness.

I love you all!

Take care and God bless!

Chris-n-Crys