It was not easy being a 30 year-old freshman living in a college dorm at East Tennessee State University.  My first semester there I was in a room by myself, but I was relatively lonely.  The dorm room was small even for one person, and there was not much of a view.  The dorm room was not terrible, but it just was not for me.  I called housing, and they were able to find me a room with a roommate in another dorm.

My new room was in Powell Hall and it was much larger than the old room I started out in, and the view was what a college view should be; I could see what was going on around that part of campus, and my side of a large desk was right in front of the window.  Now, you may be thinking, “That must have distracting while I was working.”, but it really was not; it made me feel content.

The difficult part was carrying my personal belongings across campus because I did not have a driver license or a vehicle.  My personal belongings included a small refrigerator and a small television; plus, clothes and miscellaneous items.  I must have made five round trips just to get moved in, but I was in good shape at the time, and it was totally worth it.  A good aspect of moving to a new dorm was my roommate did not seem to mind that I was an older, non-traditional student, although he did not talk much; that was fine with me because I do not talk much either.

My roommates name was Zach, and he was from Michigan, and we had a pretty good partnership; he did not have a fridge, so I let him share mine.  We both had TV’s, so we stacked them on top of each other.  We had different schedules, so whoever was in the room first got to watch what they wanted with the volume turned up.  We always had both TV’s on when both of us were there, and most of the time his volume would be up and I would silently watch whatever I wanted.

When Zach and I did talk, it was usually about sports; mainly, college basketball.  Zach was a Michigan State fan, and his father was a high school basketball coach.  I told him I was a UNC fan and I am not sure he liked that, but I think he respected it.  Zach’s brother lived in Johnson City and was a Police Officer; he would spend most of his weekends hanging out with his brother, but I did not mind hanging out by myself.

I spent a lot of time on the computer in chat rooms and things like that.  I even went out by myself since there was a bar and night club within walking distance.  The bar usually had karaoke which I loved, and I only went to the night club once.  While at the night club, I realized my white hairs were probably glowing in the black lights because I asked a couple of girls to dance and got shot down both times; oh well.  It was the rejection at the night club that made me realize living on campus would not be easy.

Once my brother, Craig, came to visit me at college since he would be coming through Johnson City, and he took me to Hooters and bought me dinner; that was a nice treat to see my brother and feel some kind of normalcy.  Craig was someone I knew well, and he was someone I could talk to.  He did not ignore me like Zach did, and what seemed like the whole student population.  I am sure I was not the only student that felt this way.

Living on campus was not easy; most of the women on campus probably thought I was another Ted Bundy, but I did not really care, as I was there to get to get an education anyway.  I always got funny looks since I was taking freshman courses and living on campus, but there were also students who seemed to respect my collegiate efforts.  Everything went well my freshman year, as I made a couple of friends and did well in my classes except for algebra; algebra is like my kryptonite!

My sophomore year did not go as well as my freshman year, though I still did decent in my classes.  Housing moved me to a different room in Powell Hall with a new roommate, and he seemed like he was pretty cool; however, it put me in the center of people coming and going, so it was more stressful which was not good for my mental illness.

Even though I got along with my new roommate at first, my paranoia kicked in big time;  his name was John and I often thought he and his friends would make sly remarks at my expense.  I even confronted John’s friends once as they were heading toward the cafeteria, and I asked them if they were talking about me.  One of the nicer guys asked if I wanted to join them, but I declined, and one of the guys looked like he was ready to jump me and try to beat me to a pulp!

It turns out that my mental illness was showing my dark side, and it was not suitable for college life.  I did eventually start hanging out with John and some of the guys on the hall, and it was cool; they even took me to a party once and I had a good time.  Where it all went south was when the morning after the party John asked me to go with them to help his parents move in Virginia, and I was feeling tired, so I declined.  After I declined to go with them they acted like they didn’t like me anymore, and I felt very alone among all of them.

They did little things to annoy me like slamming doors, and always gathering together in the room, and this time I was sure they were making snide remarks about me; even the Residential Director got involved with John and his friends.  I called mama and told her I was not getting along with the guys on my hall and that I wanted to move to another room without a roommate.  Mama looked into it and it would have taken most of my money to move to a different room by myself.  I considered it, and I wish I would have moved when I had the chance because it was a long semester.

After my sophomore year, I decided to transfer to North Carolina State; however, I only went there for a week before I dropped out.  I decided I would go back to ETSU and get a studio apartment, and I did just that.  I loved having my own apartment, and I liked the location of it; by this time I had gotten my driver license back and I had a vehicle, so I could just drive to campus and park there.  I thought, “Man, I should have done this from the beginning.”, but maybe there was a part of me that wanted to experience real college life like my brothers did.

Eventually, I transferred back to NC State and dropped out again, and I ended up back at ETSU, yet again for the start of my Junior year.  The indecisiveness of a paranoid schizophrenic was taking a toll on me; I was happy to be back at ETSU, but I was at a different dorm located on a different part of campus.  I had a roommate from Canada this time, and his name was Darrel.  Darrel was just a few years younger than me, and you would think we got along well, but we really did not.  I do not know why we did not get along; I felt like he had a bad attitude; it was like he had this self-entitlement.

My Junior year was when I was talking to Crystal, my future wife, every single day.  I went and bought a cell phone from Wal-Mart just so I could talk to her.  Between talking to Crystal every day and visiting her every weekend, and then taking a couple of classes I did not like, I got suspended for one major term; I mean, it could have been worse, as it was only one semester and then I could go back.  For some reason I was afraid to ask Crystal to transfer to ETSU; maybe because I thought it would not be fair to her,  So, I asked Crystal to transfer to UNC Pembroke with me, and we could be together.

Wow, was Pembroke the biggest mistake of my life!  I do not know about now, but back when Crystal and me were at UNCP, it was a total party school.  The suite I was in, which resided in the dorm from Hades, partied all night and kept me up all night.  Every night someone would pull the fire alarm around 3 or 4am .  Crystal and I left UNCP after that semester, and we moved to Johnson City, TN.  That is pretty much where my story ends.

I think I can understand why the traditional students acted like they did toward me.  I always thought it would be fun like in the movie “Old School”.  At times, it seemed like I was in a movie, but the reality was pretty difficult to deal with.  I do not blame anyone for the fact I did not graduate except me; perhaps it was not even my fault.  All I know is, I have nightmares about being back at ETSU even though it is a place I love; I dream I can not find my schedule to get to class and I feel helpless.  I am hoping that writing this will help me get over what happened in college, but I would not change my college daze for anything.

Until next time!

Thanks for reading!

Take care and God bless!

Chris