I have been feeling off lately in my faith: for example, I woke up angry and depressed on Easter morning, when I should have been ecstatic in remembrance of what Jesus went through for us. I felt as if I did not know who I was; maybe it was stress or exhaustion from not sleeping well. Perhaps there are many reasons why I felt so indifferent, but at the time I was simply unapproachable to much of my wife’s dismay. I do not remember feeling so angry and empty in a long, long time, and I wondered what could warrant such negative feelings?

Obviously, I had to consider Satan was coming after me, and for some reason I had not let Jesus protect my blindside, because I was blindsided! So, there I was wondering, broken, upset, and alone. I could not even pray to Jesus because Satan had weakened me so; I just lied there in my office in the fetal position and staring at the wall with no emotion whatsoever. The only thing I felt at the time was fear, because I did not have a clue what was going on with me; meanwhile I was wasting precious time that could have been spent listening to my Pastor wife’s beautiful sermon.

I felt lost several days after that unfaithful Easter morning, and I think part of what I felt was disappointment for feeling the way I did, and I was holding on to anger directed at myself for the way I shut off the ones that love me. Part of the problem was I did not think I was loved. I felt I was unliked by several people, yet some say you can dislike someone yet still love them.

I do not know if I agree with loving someone you do not like; I will tell you what, if you do not like me do me a favor, please; do not bother loving me. The Bible says love God, love people, but I am willing to bet that Jesus likes me for who I am, and I consider that a bonus of Him loving me. Seriously, if you do not like me do not bother coming to my funeral if I die before Jesus comes back, because I do not truly believe you love me.

Now that I got something off my chest, I want to say I believe I have reached a possible answer as to why I shutdown Easter morning: my faith is at a crossroads. Do not get me wrong; I will continue to follow Jesus and love Him to no end, but I believe God has put me at a crossroads, and I have to choose which path to take. Perhaps I did not handle it well when God hit me with this idea of that somehow my faith had stalled, but it is true; that is exactly what happened.

I am still trying to figure things out because I believe God is working on me in a way that I do not yet comprehend, but I do have faith one day it will all hit me and blindside me once again, only this time I will know which road to take. I still may not be comfortable or at ease in knowing what I need to do, and it may even take me a while to come to grips with it; I do not know what will happen, but I am excited of the possibilities of serving God.

I could use some prayers, so if you do not mind please pray for me as I will pray for you.

I like and I love you all,

Take care and God bless,

Chris

P.S. Crystal, I apologize for missing your Easter sermon; I love hearing you preach, and I love you so much!